My 4 Year Old Is Acting Like an Animal

Inside: Find out the underlying developmental and brain-based causes of mystifying and maddening toddler behaviors, besides every bit how to deal with them effectively.

I froze in stupor as the slap landed smack on my nose.

Information technology wasn't the first time I'd been hit in the face by a 2-foot-tall tyrant, but information technology still hurt. I've been to the toddler rodeo before. This time though, I resolved to do things differently: I paused and took discover of my internal reaction. Did information technology hurt? Aye. Did it seriously tick me off? Yes. Did my kid intend to hurt me? Certainly non.

With a few toddlers of my own under my belt, I take some cognition of children's encephalon development . Thanks to my profession as a child and family therapist, I besides have a larger repertoire of effective long-term discipline practices. And I now know that my squishy little two-twelvemonth-one-time's try to backhand me happens for good reason.

I know that this behavior is surfacing to meet an underlying need crucial to his development and that in that location will be many more of these instances to come up.

Due to the rapid nature of brain growth in the early years, toddlers face up many emotional and behavioral challenges – all of which require our support. Many times we parents have an expectation gap , namely, we await our toddler to behave like an older child or even an developed, just fail to realize that in some cases, they were literally crawling yesterday.

Filling in this gap with knowledge of the brain and your kid's good for you developmental milestones will help yous to not only survive toddlerhood just also enjoy it while supporting your piffling munchkin to the fullest. Look for the following hallmarks of toddlerhood and reply with compassion.

Aggression

Oft the first instances of our kid'due south assailment tin can be jarring and may involve a set up of miniature teeth marks. Aggression in toddlers happens for several reasons, which tin be readily explained past their brain development.

In short, a toddler'due south brain is under construction. Well-nigh notable is their prefrontal cortex, or PFC, which is office of the cerebral cortex responsible for all of our higher functioning activities such as reasoning, logic, and goal-directed activity.

In short, a toddler's brain is nether construction. Most notable is their prefrontal cortex, or PFC, which is part of the cognitive cortex responsible for all of our higher operation activities such as reasoning, logic, and goal-directed activeness.

This function of your child'south brain is growing apace during the toddler years (and won't be done until adulthood). Just like any renovation, the area being worked on is sometimes off limits. We tin can use this knowledge to keep things in perspective.

Your child'south biting or aggression is not a negative reflection on your parenting. Toddlers literally don't accept the consistent brain capacity for self-command. Therefore, instead of taking a breath and calmly asking Tommy for the ruby fire engine back, they punch him the face instead.

Luckily, there are things we tin can do to increase our child's odds of success.

1.Watch for unmet needs your kid may be communicating, such every bit overstimulation, hunger, tiredness, or lack of coping skills in overwhelming situations.

2.Set firm, clear limits while remaining calm yourself (after all, getting a big reaction gives your kid more power and influence than they tin can handle and will only serve to unsettle them further). Model the appropriate behavior for your child and enquire them to repeat.

3.Model the advisable beliefs for your child and ask them to repeat.

Tantrums and mood swings

You've cut your toddler off from more string cheese, and suddenly your kitchen looks like an episode of a reality Tv set show, complete with tears, yelling, and articles of habiliment flight through the air.

Your toddler's emotional center of the brain is becoming capable of more complex feelings, but the ability to sympathise and cope with them, not so much. Because your toddler lives in the moment, each seemingly mundane thwarting feels like the end of the world.

The discrepancy in expressive and receptive language development is also a common culprit in instigating toddler meltdowns. Toddlers can sympathise more they tin can express or communicate themselves, which every bit one can imagine, is quite frustrating.

Focus on keeping your cool, and utilize the opportunity to lay the groundwork for what is arguably the almost important skill of social and emotional evolution, empathy. Put a proper name to your toddler'southward large feelings, tell them y'all see that they are upset and let them to express their frustrations (but don't imitation it – really sympathise with them). Show them positive ways to let their feelings out, and permit them know that hurling their shoe is not okay.

Limit testing

Y'all've told your child over the last two meal times that we don't throw our utensils, but yet again he launched his spoon at the dog. Toddlers test limits for a few reasons, the nearly obvious being that they are trying to get a expert read on the adults in their life (and the world in general) and are exploring to find out if they can feel safe. Will adults stop me from doing this? What happens if I practice it again?

Your child is besides experiencing an increased sense of self (in infancy they view themselves as an extension of y'all) which leads to trying new and independent behaviors that may not match up especially well with the house rules.

Your toddler is not manipulative or destined for an orangish jumpsuit, she'due south learning the intricacies of the complex earth effectually her.

Toddlers are hands-on learners and will follow their curiosity wherever it leads them. They're counting on you to evidence them the ropes with confidence and authority, as opposed to judgment or shame.

Toddlers don't larn major abstract concepts overnight, and so major doses of consistency and patience will get a long style.

Sleep regression

You've finally become used to living without that fuzzy psychotic feeling of sleep impecuniousness when your toddler does the unthinkable and starts waking upwardly again at nighttime. Or stops napping…or refuses to go to bed. Each scenario is every bit frustrating and stems from different developmental leaps, whether they exist physical or cognitive.

Remember that whole, "I'1000 an contained being at present" concept I mentioned? Well, that cognitive shift has the potential to cause separation anxiety, which can atomic number 82 to night waking.

They will also likely exist cutting their canine teeth effectually 18 months (all the improve to bite y'all with), which can be some other culprit. Throw in some holidays, a move, or change in the daily routine, and you tin osculation your precious sleep goodbye.

Your best bet hither is to mutter a picayune and drinkable more coffee.

Keep them on a consequent bedtime routine when possible, and don't forget to take advantage of the extra caress time.

There'due south a reason toddlers are insanely adorable

Parenting a toddler can be crazy making – if we let it. Knowing what to look and why it's happening will likely lessen the crazy on some days. We all desire to have expectations for our kids, but allow'south not set them (and us) upwardly for failure by making them unrealistic.

Now is a good time to set your sights on the long haul, parents, considering growing upwardly is hard work. Your toddler'southward encephalon and body will go through many changes in gild to go an adult.

Let's acknowledge and respect that, and non wish away the days of 'This Fiddling Piggy" whatever faster than we need to.

More resource on parenting:

How to Discipline a Toddler- 7 Cardinal Rules to Live and Breathe By

The Strong-willed child: 8 Do'south and Don'ts for Parents to Live Past

75 Calm Downwards Strategies for Kids That work! {Printable}

How to Go your Child to Listen Without Yelling